we have officially mastered the walk of shame
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
