if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
