what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
