there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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