dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
My penis needs a shock collar
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize