get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
