Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Randomize
