Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
