woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
