Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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