OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize