its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
