I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
