Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
