At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You're breaking my sexual little heart
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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