well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
