dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
