I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
she looked like the before picture.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
