I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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