I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
