STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
