sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
