Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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