Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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