I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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