Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
