I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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