THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
