Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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