How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
