Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
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Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
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There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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