Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
