I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
