I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize