the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
