went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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