I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Randomize
