2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize