Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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