but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
