The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
