Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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