I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Farmville is her only friend.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
