I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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