Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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