No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
