Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
