is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
