wat bout pragnant strippers??
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
