When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
