The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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