i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
