also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
