I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
