Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
