I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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