The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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