Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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