sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
