Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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