i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
