Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
