and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
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From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
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Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize