Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
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HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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