I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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