Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD