i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest