I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.