Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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