Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
