He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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