In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
How many fucks given?
0.12846
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
