seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
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